This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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