do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
