So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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