omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
