if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm passing your future prison.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
