You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
