I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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