i barfeds in our rink
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
