I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
