hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
