I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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