went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
try to milk me bitch
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