Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
kristin has been a bad kristin
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My vagina just recognized that song.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
