sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
