i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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