Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
