After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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