and next time when you feel me up, do it right
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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