Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
