"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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