your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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