i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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