If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The struggles of a small town man whore
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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