I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
