my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
