No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
