At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
