I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
