you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
