I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
