I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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