Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
