This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize