you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
