the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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