No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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