There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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