I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
