Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
