They should really pass out barf bags in church
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
