I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
