I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
