O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
