Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
