It's like God shit irony all over that family
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
