): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
