you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
