i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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