Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
