forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
