I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
