Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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