You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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