Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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