I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
