just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize