How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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