just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
