i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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