I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
