I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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