I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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