I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
