Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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