Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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