He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
