sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
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