I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In other news, I just burned my penis
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
