Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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