hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
