you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
