I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My dick has a subreddit
Couch. On fire.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
