my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
