honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
