theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Congratulations! We have a period
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
